I sit between my stepbrother and stepsister, although I never refer to them as that. It's Christmas and we're about to have dinner.My mother was Jewish and my dad raised me Jewish to have somewhat of a bond with her, but we haven't celebrated our traditions in years.Not that I care too much. Not anymore, at least. When it started to change, I did. But after six years I learned to get over it. My stepmom, whom I refer to as my mom, was warm, welcoming, and the only mother I've ever known. She considered me her son from the moment we met. I've gained more in the seven years after I moved from Florida to California than I had before.Still, not everything is perfect in this life. Nothing ever is.I push my chair out, stand up, and excuse myself.Out the dining room, through the empty living room, up the stairs, down the hallway, to the bathroom, is where I head. Once inside, I lock the door and sit down on the closed toilet seat. I sigh into my hands. Family get-togethers are stressful.I stand, dig my hand into my pocket, and fish out the little baggy I've carried around all day. Inside is what I drove an hour away to get. With it in my hand, I relax. All is right in the world.In my other pocket is a rolled-up, yet crushed, dollar bill. I pull that out and attempt to widen it. I open the baggy and, as careful as possible I dump the containments onto the sink's surface. I make the laziest lines of all time, position the rolled dollar, bend down, and inhale. I inhale until there's nothing left of it.I stare in the mirror, at my reflection, and study my face. I look for any signs of white powder under my nose, any signs of red eyes. I see none. I'm in the clear.Back in my pocket the dollar bill and empty bag go.I go back downstairs, where I rejoin the family. I'm now ready to socialize.The rest of the night I talk too much, I laugh too loud, and I barely touch my food.Yet nobody noticed. Why would they? I've been doing this for so long now, that it's become my personality. None of them know me any other way.I don't know myself any other way.