In an attempt to escape the unbearable pain after losing my son Ben to suicide, I would withdraw deep within myself to seek refuge, and in this isolation my screams remained silent and expression became muted. Because the pain is ever near, sadly, this silence tends to be unending and little is said about the aftermath of suicide but, I believe, many would wish to feel understood in their continuing battle with its effects, and those around us who could only express the magnitude of this loss by saying 'I can't begin to know what you are going through' might prefer to be informed. Touching all the rawness within has been a slow but determined process and if my story can help to express and validate the pain of some, give insight to others and in any way promote the prevention of suicide, I could, in the telling of it, find some gladness.