yHi, my name is Matt, and I'll be your waiter tonight.y Since becoming a waiter, Matthew Foster has uttered these words 67,892 times, he has cried on the job 11 times, has had two nervous breakdowns, and has committed 27 acts of anonymous revenge on rude restaurant patrons. Now this comic essayist brings you his take on the modern American dining experience. In the comic spirit of Dave Barry and Drew Carey comes a humorous look into the trenches of Americays true favorite pastime: dining out. From tales of waiting on the Reverend Jimmy Swaggart to a commentary on the nature of germs in the bathrooms of fast food restaurants, Matthew Foster strips away the garnishes and leaves us with the meat: the humor and pathos beyond the call for the yWaiter!y