Willie Wilcox, a celebrated if wildly objectionable, self obsessed photographer loses his sight in a car crash in North Carolina at the age of 27. Convinced there is nothing more worthless than a photographer with no eyes, he decides to kill himself. But, despite a string of bizarre attempts, he proves particularly inept at it and gets no better when he enlists the help of Vladimir Cartwright, a pianist with no hands. Meanwhile, Richard Quinn, Willie's anonymous assistant, who looks like everyone you have ever seen but nobody you have ever noticed, opts to assassinate Willie.