My name is Ethel Chop, and many things concern me: unemployment, incorrect bus timetables, and the fact that today's youth are all lazy and stupid. This generous collection of wisdom from Ethel Chop offers more advice than you'll ever need on 'how to live new age without turning into a loopdeloo nutbag.' Learn how to: Look smart in neck-to-knee polyester: 'I not only look beaut, but I'm warm as toast, so I never get sick and I never get sick thoughts.' Cook meals on a tight budget: roadkill and rice Box ears with two tins of beetroot Throw a great party: always strain your gherkins.