I didn't want to be alone. I wanted Jimmie to be with me. That particular thought was terrifying to me. There was no denying how close Jimmie and I had become, especially in recent months, and then last night I slept in his arms.I buried my face in my pillow and cried. Eventually, I sobbed myself to exhaustion, and I fell asleep.I woke up a few hours later. I got up from my bed and looked in the mirror. My eyes were still red, and my hair was a mess. After a trip to the bathroom, I was back in my room with my head bowed so that the hair covered my face, and I felt at least a little human. I put on clean clothes, jeans and a T-shirt.I turned on my computer and checked my e-mails. Nothing from Jimmie. I checked my phone and it was the same. In a way, I was relieved that there wasn't a long message from him telling me that he couldn't spend any more time with me.I sat empty in front of my screen and stared at it for a few minutes, then I opened a new email to Jimmie. I got to the point where I typed "Jimmie" before I stopped.During my senior year, I had definitely become more confident, not only because I knew I would get the grades or play well violin. No, when I started to physically get rid of my childhood awkwardness, I think I felt more comfortable inside myself. I still didn't have the confidence to just walk up to a boy and ask him out, but... did I know that I was in love with Jimmie?No, that way was madness. In retrospect, you don't see between 20 and 20. She's still clouded with feelings from then and now. Does it even matter when? The fact is, I had kissed Jimmie. I had done it because I had never felt closer to anyone before, and it felt completely natural to do so.Did he feel the same way about me? I did not know, even if it seemed as if he felt as comfortable in my presence as I felt in his. That was frightening, as was the knowledge that, however he felt, the course had been set and had to be discussed.